(#23) Boys

This post was inspired by Allison and her celebrity boyfriends.

Now, let me make this clear - even if R-Dalts himself in all his 1965-1974 glory somehow appeared in front of me and pledged his undying love, I would be all "no thanks, my boyfriend is the best boyfriend in the history of significant others, and I don't need your sexy '60s and '70s lovin'" and choose the man I've got, because he is in fact the best boyfriend in the history of significant others and I don't need Roger Daltrey's sexy '60s and '70s lovin'. But I'm pretty sure everyone has famous crushes and here are some of mine.

Joaquin Phoenix.

I know, you're all like, "Rachel, what are you talking about? He's so crazy now! Have you seen him lately? He looks like a homeless hipster!"

A statement with which I must sadly agree. I counter with this, though: have you seen him sans beard?

Um, yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah...

Um, yeah.

Clearly, Mr. Phoenix has the capacity to be a babe to the first degree. I admit that my opinion of him might be slightly colored by my intense love of The Village (it's a good movie, okay?), but still.

I've already confessed my crush on Mike Rowe, host of Dirty Jobs.

Duh.

Now, for those of you familiar with Scrubs, you might be aware that lots of girls - for some inexplicable reason - find themselves attracted to Zach Braff. No. He is a good actor and very funny, but this is just wrong. His chin is weird. I submit to you the wiser choice for a crush:

Dr. Perry Cox.

Now, you'll notice I'm not putting up multiple pictures illustrating multifaceted hotness and I didn't refer to him as John McGinley, the actor. Nope, I've only got eyes (and ears) for the character of Dr. Cox because he's so darn hilarious. Anyone who can deliver two minutes plus of a scathing diatribe without pausing for breath has got my heart.

Baby Keith Moon.

I love love love Keith Moon through all stages of life, so this is less of a crush and more of a oh-my-goodness-look-at-those-big-brown-eyes-awwww puppy dog reaction.

His cutie-pie exterior masked his utter looniness, but we wouldn't have it any other way.

R.I.P, Moony.

Jim Halpert.

Do we really need multiple pictures of ol' Jim Bag?

Uh, duh.

Paul McCartney.

Not only does he have one of the best voices in rock 'n' roll, but...

All together now: Got to get you into my life!

Also, first picture: Ferris Bueller much?

Levon Helm.

Richard Manuel.

(Right in the middle of the "Next of Kin" picture)

Heck, can I just say everyone in The Band but Robbie?

Although, to be honest, in this cover they all kind of look like mean Civil War-era drifters, but it's one of the only clear ones I can find without a big watermark over it. Although if I could take pictures as beautiful as Elliott Landy does, I'd mark them up too.

Bill Hader.

This man is funny.

And surprisingly cute, too, when he's not playing some crazy character.

Also: I want.

Except for Kenan's stupid sunglasses.

Rog, darling, care to play us out?

Thanks, dear. I can always count on you.